My ex-girlfriend and I just hung out. She was absolutely smitten over this guy she had previously mentioned not wanting to date at all, and I naturally was curious what caused her to do an complete 180. So I pried and eventually discovered that what caused her to finally give the guy a chance was the fact that earlier that week she had given me my last chance at getting her back, and I denied it...
I thought it was going to a be moment in which I was happy for her, and happy to know that she had moved on for myself, but it was actually quite the opposite. I felt jealousy, anger, and ultimately confused. Why would I have felt any of these things if I was completely over her like I thought I was. Maybe I am not completely over her, or maybe I thought I was going to find someone to replace that place in my world first. Either way it was an unexpected feeling.
Why did I feel like somehow I had lost? Or never got to say what I really wanted? Did I hold back from re-entering a relationship with her because of what all my friends might say? Or was it because how the relationship went the last time? Or maybe I simply want what I cannot have. Looking back there are things that were not so good and things that were great. The important thing is that I take what I can from it all, learn from it, and revisit it so it is not something that is forgotten, but instead something that shapes me.
That, the aforementioned relationship with the newly smitten ex-girlfriend was my last, and it was probably unhealthy in a lot of ways. I felt I gave more than her, I felt mistreated at times, and since it ended (her decision) I have not pursued a real relationship beyond a couple of dates, but why? Commitment? Is it the cliché, scared of getting hurt again? Am I too lazy or to scared to dedicate the amount of time it took to reach the level of comfort I have with my ex?
Either way, it is safe to say girls confuse me. Proof being, this is only one my many problems concerning girls, and I know that I am not alone. Whether or not this is material intended to be posted on The Midwest Perspective, I am unsure, but it pertains to my perspective on woman, relationships, and life in general.
Signing Off,
Chuck Ryan
2 comments:
You have good instincts and ask all the right questions of yourself. One thing to remember is to trust your instincts. Your "no" to her was probably the right answer. Second guess your decisions only if there is good evidence you were wrong. Human Beans have thousands of generations of practice developing their rational intuition in social situations.
Thanks David, I appreciate your response. Although, I am a little bit confused by your statement about second guessing yourself. I'm not sure if it would be possible for me to recognize there is good evidence that I was wrong unless I second guessed myself to begin with. I do, on the other hand, understand the importance of not second guessing yourself too much. This is a constant concern of mine. Frequently I find myself analyzing every bit of life, and that is a problem. Thanks again for the response!
Post a Comment